Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Still here.........just on hiatus from physical discipline. The baby is due within the next 3 weeks and he's afraid to trigger labor. We're struggling through a move, the pregnancy, some issues with my oldest daughter(from my first marriage), my mother(just a little on the weirded out demanding side), his mother(moderate Alzheimer's that's suddenly gone to pretty severe), a pregnant dog, breeding goats...how do you balance everything? How do you make all the puzzle pieces fit in, and still have that mentality of head of household/submissive wife? I realize we were still wrapping our brains around the totality of domestic discipline, but it's a struggle for me right now.

I'm......here.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

We're in a weird place again.
Being nearly 32 weeks pregnant, he's worried that any discipline might trigger labor, or hurt the baby.
There's also the fact that it's been anywhere from -18 to all of 10 degrees where we live and it's hard for me to get moving to do what I am supposed to do with the cold we're dealing with.

I feel like we're right back to the beginning.................

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Spanking trolls

I've had it. I left all the e-groups today. I am so tired of people popping in to my IM messenger asking if they can spank me when my husband isn't home, or if my husband will spank them,. I'm tired of "Well THIS is how I like to lecture my women when I do it." and insistence that I should ALWAYS be wearing dresses, or have my hair long, braided, not braided, whatever they think.

It disturbs me to hear of women who are widowed, so their 20 year old sons spank them in lieu of the father, or when single women allow other women(or men) to discipline their teenaged daughters. I'm tired of being asked how my bottom is, if I've had any good spankings lately, or how often and how my children get spanked. It aggravates me that they are telling me that our children should be allowed to watch me get spanked so I can be humiliated to tears. That is NOT what this life is about for me, and I am so tired of others assuming that they know what works best in MY life.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I went over the edge. I responded to someone who's wife told HIM how not to do something, and he replied privately to ME telling me that being belligerent was unacceptable. Um, dude, your wife is the one telling YOU how to do things. I said that I didn't feel my husband and I were even to a point where I could give feedback to him without it being construed as me being bossy, and he assumed it meant I was...despite the fact that I stated quite emphatically that I adore being submissive to my husband, strive to meet the standards that HE is able to bring to our marriage at this time, and want to do my best to please him and help him assume his place as head of our household.

Where do you get that I am being belligerent in any of that?

Why are people such troglodytes?

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Yes Master!



The change seems to have been made. I'm content. I'm sure we'll have more ups and downs, but oh this week has really turned out to be the bset since we started this, with the exception of the very first week we realized that there was a positive change happening.

Life is good.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

A Thanksgiving to remember

Unfortunately, he's on the road today.

However..........
I confessed my poor attitude. I didn't expect the effect it had. He spent the afternoon chopping wood, which left me feeling rather neglected, which resulted in more pouting/anger. I actually told him I was feeling.............peckish. Having hens and a poor hen-pecked rooster, he understood exactly what I was talking about.

I ended up with lines to write while he showered-over the end of the bed, naked, and while the session wasn't all that hard or painful, it was one of the better ones for me personally. He SCOLDED. He chastised. He asked me more who was in charge? Who makes the rules? What happens when the rules are ignored? And OH did he expect a verbal answer. He reprimanded severely and it affects me so much when he does that. The more verbal sessions we've had always leave me a teary mess.

I've also been told that if my attitude-unconcious or not-doesn't improve, there will be consequences and he will find a way to motivate me when he's not home. Just the idea that he's thinking about it seems to thrill me to no end.

Who knew I'd ever be thankful for a sore backside?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Kick the tire and light a fire

I cannot for the life of me get motivated. Period. End of statement. I just cannot get myself to move any sooner than 9 or 10 am on ANYTHING. It's really starting to irritate me and him. My chores are supposed to be done by 11:30 and I have yet to even be DRESSED.

Sigh.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Thppt! and Neener-neener-neener!

So I had a "I just don't give a hooie" kind of day. Actually, truth be known, I've been having SEVERAL of them. For whatever reason, we laxed. Yes, I have been ill. Yes, I have been dealing with pregnancy hormones. Yes, I am dealing with the stress of a teenager who really should have had her hide tanned a lot sooner in life.....

And I was angry, frustrated, irritated, and ready to quit conpletely because he was being too nice to me. He was being considerate, and I was mad. Go figure.

he's also dealing with a power trip. he tasted serious power and it scared the beejeebers out of him that he liked it as much as he did. I'm standing here begging him to lead, take hold of the reins, take me in hand, and he's afraid of it. I can't think of any better gift to offer a husband and he's afraid to grab hold.

Rarumph.

We agreed to step back from intense training and let him take hold as he can, but getting back to where we were before we tried intense training.

I'm sitting on a pillow today for a week of attitude that he let slide. An hour it took. he went slow, he wasn't easy on me, but he wasn't unreasonable. He took breaks to oh, go start a snack in the oven. Fill our water glasses for bedtime. Choose what I was going to wear to bed. Let the dogs out. And he left me over the edge of the bed for all of it. Monster scolding, which honestly, leaves me in harder and more intense tears than the physical side of this. His new power thing, for HIM, is to have me reach for the top of our log cabin canopy bed and hang on while he does warm up time. It works. It seems to place me in a state of mind wherein I KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is in charge.

And he held me ever so close while I sobbed on his shoulder afterward, and then he took his pleasure and left me hanging. Urph. He hates it when I push to discipline, because only on maintenance nights will he allow sexual intimacy. So he added his own twist of punishment to that. Part of me loved it, to see him taking that charge and part of me hated it, because I love to please him in bed and share that pleasure with him.

We're now trying to figure a way to light the fire under my backside when he's not home. I DO get my chiores done, but it seems to take me all day to get motivated. When he's here, the threat of discipline works. But when he's 800 miles away? Not so much. We'll get it figured out I am sure.

It's an insane, amazing, speed and crawl growth, it seems.